FRENEMIES

There are those who, when they enter your life, you immediately wish you had encountered sooner. These are the people who uplift, guide, and support you, who bring wisdom, inspiration, and a sense of purpose. Meeting these individuals earlier would have provided you with a sense of clarity and direction at crucial points in your development. They could have helped you avoid certain mistakes or recover more quickly from setbacks.

Perhaps it’s a mentor who teaches you the ropes of business or life—a person whose insights would have been invaluable during your formative years. Or it could be a friend whose loyalty, honesty, and empathy would have offered the right encouragement when you were facing hardship. These are the people who build us up and strengthen our resolve, but often, their arrival happens when you have already gone through unnecessary trials. The regret lies in the thought of how much more you could have achieved, how much smoother your path could have been if they had been there earlier.

In this regard, these people can also serve as a mirror, reflecting what true friendship and support should look like. Meeting them earlier could have shaped your standards for relationships, preventing the pain caused by those who do not have your best interests at heart.

Then, there are people whose arrival in your life comes at a later time, often when you are more mature, more discerning, or more resilient. Meeting them earlier might not have produced the same value. Perhaps, if they had come into your life at an earlier point, you wouldn't have been ready for the lessons they had to offer, or they could have been a distraction from your true calling.

Timing is everything in life, and sometimes people enter at the right moment, even if it feels late. By the time they arrive, you are better equipped to appreciate their qualities, to learn from them, or to form a relationship that benefits both of you in the long run. Some of these people bring perspective on things you would not have understood as a younger person. They become valuable allies in your journey, but their late entry into your life signifies that you needed to experience certain things first before they could truly add value.

The most impactful part of the statement comes with those people whom you wish you had never met. These are often the fair-weather friends—people who seem to support you when times are good, but vanish or become toxic when challenges arise. They are the individuals who come into your life with ill intentions, disguised as friends, but later reveal themselves as enemies—frenemies. They are the kind who smile to your face but work behind the scenes to bring you down, often motivated by jealousy, envy, or a need to exploit your kindness.

Had you never met these people, perhaps life would have been less complicated, less painful. These are the individuals who drain your energy, manipulate your emotions, and sometimes derail you from your goals. They may have come into your life as trusted companions but later turned out to be self-serving, disloyal, or deceitful. The disappointment and betrayal felt from these relationships make you wish they had never been part of your life in the first place.

As you go through life, you realize that every encounter—whether positive or negative—leaves a lasting impact. The good relationships teach you about love, loyalty, and the power of mutual support. The bad ones—those with fair-weather friends or frenemies—teach you about resilience, the importance of boundaries, and the value of discernment in choosing your circle.

The paradox of life is that sometimes, it is the people you wish you never met who end up teaching you the most about yourself. Their betrayal may force you to look inward, to reflect on your choices, and to sharpen your instincts. Over time, you develop a radar for those who are not genuine, for those whose intentions are not aligned with your own. You learn to value quality over quantity when it comes to friendships, and you become more selective about who you allow into your life.

Fair-weather friends are often those who are attracted to your success, your energy, or the benefits that come with being associated with you. As long as everything is smooth sailing, they are there by your side, enjoying the fruits of your labor. But when adversity strikes, they are the first to jump ship, abandoning you in your time of need. They are not invested in your personal growth or well-being; they are invested in what they can gain from you.

On the other hand, frenemies can be far more insidious. These are the people who pretend to be on your side but harbor hidden resentment or jealousy. They may undermine your efforts subtly, gaslight you into questioning your worth, or try to sabotage your progress in ways that are not immediately obvious. Their behavior can be confusing because they mask their ill will behind smiles and words of encouragement.

Understanding the nature of these relationships is crucial to protecting yourself emotionally and mentally. It often takes painful experiences to learn how to spot the signs early. But once you do, you start to gravitate toward people who genuinely care about your well-being, and you distance yourself from those who are only in it for themselves.

In life, timing is crucial when it comes to relationships. Some people come into our lives too late for us to fully benefit from their presence, others arrive at just the right moment, and some, regrettably, are part of our journey when we would have been better off without them. Learning to navigate these dynamics is one of life’s greatest challenges.

Ultimately, every encounter, whether wanted or not, shapes who you become. The wish to have met some people earlier, some later, or never at all reflects the inevitable ups and downs of human interaction. It highlights the importance of discernment, timing, and learning from both positive and negative experiences.

Donald Peterson, PhD is a Philanthropist, Business Coach, Scholar, Motivational Speaker and Special Adviser to Delta State Governor on E

ntrepreneurship Development.